Moving

Snippets of conversations this past week between HH and I as we have been in the process of moving to a new house:

"Do you think we really need two fondue pots?"

"I can't feel my arms."

"What does this switch do." (Update: apparently nothing)

"I see lots of fast food in our future for the next several weeks."

"Oh great! Our curtains are too short!"

"I'm not sure about this color." - after a couple hours of painting

"Why is it still 77 degrees in here when I set the air conditioning to 70?"

"These people apparently had no idea how to install a towel bar."

"I smell dog pee in here, and LOOK - a brand new Glade Plug-In they used to try to cover it up!"

"These people said they are 99.9% sure they are going to rent our old place." (Update: never heard from them again)

"Apparently covering up stenciled stars on the ceiling takes approximately 578 coats of paint!"

"Ok, so the clothes rods in the closet aren't actually high enough for pants or dresses. What the f*#!"

"NO - don't put that there!"

"Ummm...is our furniture even going to fit in here?"

"This flipping power washer doesn't work!!!!"

"Hey, look, at the sunset from our backporch!"

"Can you believe this place is ours?"

"Nope, it's everything we've ever dreamed of!"

"I love you"

"I love you too"

"Are we done yet?"

Five Tips Towards Glamorousness*

Many people ask me how I have become so Glamorous (well maybe one or two people). But, anyway, as an expert on the subject, I thought I would reveal some of my secrets to my beautiful readers. Since so many of us are short on cash in this bummer of a recession - all these tips are very wallet friendly. Enjoy!

1. The $12 Face Lift: No, really, it's true! If you have never had your eyebrows professionally done - drop everything right this very instant and get ye to a salon! The cost is between $12 - $15 and most salons have a variety of methods: wax, threading, plucking, etc. In minutes, you will look and feel like a new person. Everyone will notice a difference in your appearance, but they won't know why. After your first professional shaping, it's pretty easy to keep up the look on your own with a good pair of tweezers.
   


2. Stop Fearing the Eyelash Curler: I am always amazed at how many women tell me that they don't, or have never used an eyelash curler. Nothing opens up your eyes more than a quick clamp from this ingenious invention! On low key days, I don't even wear mascara, but I ALWAYS curl my eyelashes. And for special events - don't be afraid to try the faux lashes. There's a reason I look that good in my photos!
   


3. High Heels: I know what you are going to say - "But, I can't walk in high heels! They hurt my feet! Blah blah blah! Etc." I am 5'8" and definitely don't need heels, but I can't live without them. There is nothing sexier than high heels, so get over it people and start practicing your strut!
   


4. Choose Your Clothing Wisely: Know what fabrics, cuts and styles work best for your body and stick with it. There's nothing wrong with trying out new trends, but only stick with the ones that work for you. For instance, I always cringe when the babydoll dress is in fashion. There's nothing worse than a tall curvy girl in a baby doll dress! Side Note - HH and I just saw a commercial for Old Navy's "Slouchy" tshirts. Raise your hand if you want to look "slouchy." Ok, didn't think so. Great job Old Navy!
   


5. Lipstick: Always wear it! So many women think they look "weird" in lipstick. But, the secret is that you don't have to wear a heavy color. I love wearing red lipstick for special occasions, but on a daily basis I like to wear something with just a slight tint. Right now I'm all about Burt's Bees Lip Shimmer. It's their famous lip balm with a hint of color in 13 different shades. It feels great on your lips too!

Well, that's all for now my pretties! Feel free to send along your Glamour tips as well and I will post them here. Have a wonderful weekend!

*Disclaimer: These five tips do not guarantee Glamorousness as there are many more secrets to become a true Glamour Girl. But, reading this blog on a daily basis will get you pretty damn close!

Why?

Things that I just don't understand and/or completely piss me off:

1. Why do men always hang the toilet paper backwards on the holder?
   


2. Why do we always have to listen to the automated voice tell us how to leave a message everytime we call someone? Voice mail and/or answering machines have been around for at least 25 years. If you need instructions on leaving a message - you are obviously a complete moron!
   


3. Why do people always ask which button to push when you hand them your camera to take a picture? What do they expect you to say - "The smallest button on the side????" NO! It is ALWAYS "the big button on top!!!!"
   


4. Why is it when you call a company like cell phone, insurance, credit card, etc., the automatic voice mail always tells you to type in your account number so "they can better serve you while you wait." Then as soon as you reach a real person, the first question they ask is, "Can I have your account number please?" NO DAMMIT! I already typed it in along with my phone number, social security number, blood type and mother's maiden name!!!!! Stop wasting my time!!!
   


5. Why do grocery store cashiers always ask if you "found everything ok" when you check out? What are you suppose to say? "No, actually, I couldn't find the milk. Will you go fetch it for me while I stand here and piss off everyone behind me in line then perhaps write a check for my purchases?"
   

If anyone can answer these troubling questions, please reply. I have plenty of time to wait for your answers as I am on hold with the credit card company right now entering my shoe size and favorite lucky number!