Pole Dance Fever

Bad News: I am bruised, bleeding, have possibly cracked a few ribs, put my knee out of place and can't feel my arms nor raise them high enough to apply makeup today.

Good News: New-found respect for strippers. Ladies, next time your man excitedly volunteers to, I mean...is forced into going to the strip joint with his slobbery, horn-dog, immature friends, no need to be upset when he comes home minus a few hundred dollars. Those ladies DESERVE it!

Yeah for my first pole dance class last night and yeah for the pole dance studio that magically appeared in this conservative suburban town! Something new and fun to do with my girlfriends. I just need a little more practice ;)

The Pretty Package

So - my husband and I are looking to buy a house considering we can get a good deal right now. Well, it's been awhile since I've actually looked inside "used" homes. Let me explain - it's common around here to build a new house from scratch instead of buying someone else's old, stinky, used house. That's pretty much the mentality here - everything must be new, shiny and perfect!

Anyway, we pull up to this beautiful house that could easily pass for a giant size dollhouse. The inside was perfect and immaculate. Portraits of two beautiful little girls hung all over the walls - their bedrooms decorated in adorable pastel colors and cutesy, girly decorations. Two little princesses who still believed in fairy tales.


"Wow! What a cute family," I thought to myself, "they must be selling in order to buy a bigger house and expand their family."

Then Reality Hit!

Realtor: "Oh!! Now I know what the problem is in this house," she exclaimed as she walked ahead of us into the master bedroom.

Me: "What? Is there a dead body in there?" I said half jokingly

Realtor: "Not Yet"

Me: Laughing nervously, but slowing my steps as I hesitated by the doorway

Realtor: "She's gone!"

Me: "Who's gone?" now almost in a panic about what she found - a ghost? a demon? an old creepy lady in a rocking chair????!!!!! AAAHHH!

Realtor: "The wife, she's gone," as she points out the lack of women's clothes in the master closet and no feminine products in the bathroom. "See, this was her sink," as she opened the cabinet below to reveal nothing but makeup remnants and a few forgotten hair ties. "See the furniture in this bedroom? I bet she took all the good furniture. This looks like it was his as a child, probably got it from his parents house."

Me: "Oh, right..." as I glanced out the window, revealing a tiny playhouse in the backyard. A perfect miniature version of the main house, now with weeds growing up around it.

So is life in the surburbs. Often a very pretty package with a lot of heartbreak inside.

Sexy Single or Mindless Mommy?

In the words of the great Britney Spears,

"There's only two types of people in the world.
The ones that entertain and ones that observe."

There are two types of young women in the suburbs - Sexy Single and Mindless Mommy.

You can spot the Sexy Single easily. Look for the gaggle of girls who seem as if they are trying to out-tan, out-blond and out-drink each other. You can usually find them on Friday or Saturday nights, fruity cocktail in hand, waiting for the magical moment that their Prince Charming will waltz through the door of the over-crowded, pretentious night club and whisk their drunk ass away into the domestic bliss of being a Mindless Mommy.

Yes, the Mindless Mommy may seem like an appealing lifestyle at first. They've trapped a man, had the $100,000 wedding of their dreams and now plan to feign interest in their career while secretly just biding the time until they get pregnant.

They are now living the American Dream! Everything will be perfect. The Mindless Mommy chooses to stay at home for the kids, trade in the car for something more practical and settles into domestic life. But wait - the Mindless Mommy soon realizes that this lifestyle is not exactly what they had signed up for. They slowly start to lose their mind, becoming absorbed in raising their kids and hanging out in Mommy groups with other Mindless Mommies who seem to have nothing more interesting to talk about than teething and poopy diapers.

Which leaves me, your fearless Glamour Girl, hanging out in left field somewhere. Don't get me wrong, not every single woman falls into one of these categories. I sure don't! And I have been fortunate to find some friends who don't either.