Blogaversary, My Fave Photographer and Choose Your Own Adventure

It's my two month blogaversary!!! I have to say that I really admire all my blogger friends that are so diligent about their postings. I have found myself in a bit of a slump lately. I hate excuses, but sometimes life gets crazy and you can't keep up with everything.

I thought about my blog a long time before I actually started it. I have always loved writing and I knew I wanted to do more, but wasn't sure how to approach it. I also love connecting with other people who have similar interests. It's not often you can find many people in the real world like that! I have to thank all of my followers and especially those who are always leaving comments. It always feels good to know that you are being appreciated for who you are. It's not easy to put myself and my opinions out there in the world for anyone and everyone to see (especially with real photos of myself).

I have to give a shout out once again to my favorite photographer (and bestest friend!), Barbara Payne who always makes me look good. She did the Trash the Dress pics I showed in my last post. Click here to check out her blog post about the photo shoot.

One last thing - I had promised a "Choose Your Own Adventure" Friday feature on my blog. Remember those kind of books as a kid? I loved them! So, basically, I'm going to list a handful of random stories about my life and YOU choose what you want me to blog about on Monday. These all have to do with body injuries:

• Why I Had to Have a Plastic Surgeon Sew Up my Face in High School


• What Happens When a Fifth Grader Accuses you of Looking Like a Barbie Doll on the First Day of Third Grade


• Tips When Going to the Bathroom in the Middle of the Night (Or, How Not to Break Your Nose)


• What Happens When you are In Charge of a Sorority Party, but End Up Drinking Too Many Flaming Dr. Peppers

Have a good weekend everyone and please don't be as klutzy as I apparently am!

Trash the Dress

"Trash the Dress" photography sessions are becoming more and more popular. If you've never heard of them, it's basically just a fun, informal photo session post-wedding where you are not afraid to get dirty. Some people actually do trash their dress - mud, water, filth, etc, but you don't have to.

I've always been such a ham in front of the camera and I'm lucky to have a good friend that happens to be an excellent photographer. She loves to experiment and I love to pose - so it works out great! We explored some locations this past weekend and had a blast.

Here are some of the photos. More to come later!

I'm On a Boat

I feel horrible about slacking off on my blogging. Insert bullshit random excuses here. But really, moving into a new house has taken most of my time, energy, money and brain cells.

On a brighter note - HH and I were on a boat Saturday night for a friend's 30th birthday party. Why is having a party on a boat so much more glamorous than having a party on land? I'm not sure, but we had a great time and it was just what I needed to get my mind off of some other life stresses.

The Evolution of Correspondence

I had an incident this morning that made me think about the evolution of correspondence. A good friend of mine has a very strict block on her email at work. Even an innocent word that may have another meaning will block her from reading the whole email.

Last night, I sent out an evite for our upcoming housewarming party. Something about my "Trailer Trash Backyard Bash" theme didn't sit right with her email blocker (go figure!). Even my second email trying to explain my first email didn't go through, so I decided on my third attempt at correspondence to send the following:

Hello my dear K,

Would you kindly send me an alternative email address so that I may bestow upon you an invitation to a delightful housewarming party? I regret to inform you that HH and I will not be able to attend this evening's festivities. My sincerest apologies.
We have indeed been overconsumed this week by transferring our household and
exhaustion has set in. We also have been incumbranced by a lack of funding
until we have a confirmed occupant of our previous residence.

I wish you well on your journey to San Francisco and do hope that you will contact me upon your return so that we may plan a social engagement. I sincerely
hope that this correspondence is more acceptable than the last.

To which she responded:

Top of the morning to you my dear friend!

You may send electronic mail to me without strife to ******@yahoo.com. I will
wait with the utmost anticipation to take delivery of your request. My R and I will certainly miss the company of your HH and you this eve. I give my promise that we will not hold ill will towards you as we understand your plight.

When my travel across the Americas has concluded I will most definitely send word to you so that we may enjoy merriment and song. May your new dwelling bring you much joy and your old dwelling bring you much gold.

Give my best to HH, Chica, Simon and Rudder.

This exchange had me laughing so hard that I think I may just start writing this way all the time. Definitely more eloquent than:

Yo girl! Was up? Hope you can make it to my Trailer Trash party! Sorry I have to bail tonight. I'm wiped from the move and have no money until I can get somebody to rent my damn house. Have fun in San Fran and let me know when you're back so we can catch up!

The Life and Times of Pockets

So...I guess I owe ya'll a story. Don't worry, I will eventually tell them all. In fact, I think I will give readers a choice of random life stories each Friday and then do the winning post each Monday. Since the story of my purple squirrel head was mentioned several times, I will start there...

His name is Pockets. I realized as I thought about writing this post that only my family really knows about Pockets. I have never told any of my friends. Why? I don't know...maybe I was afraid they would think I was crazy (not that they don't have enough clues already), or maybe it's just that he's always just been my special, secret treasure and I wanted to keep it that way. So, it is strange to me to actually be talking about him now and even revealing a picture of him.

All I know is that Pockets materialized at my maternal grandparent's house somewhere in the 1950's. My mom, uncle and grandparents always remember him being around, but none of them remember where he came from or how he came to be. There are no words or markings on him that give any clues.

I claimed him as my own before I could even walk, named him "Pockets" and loved him with all my heart. Throughout the years my uncle and brother would tease me by grabbing Pockets from me and throwing him around, throwing him up against the wall, etc. One day, Pockets eye fell off from being slammed against the wall and I bawled my eyes out until my grandpa expertly glued the eye back on.

Because of the serious abuse he suffered at the hands of my evil uncle and brother, Pockets spent most of his life in secret hiding places that only I knew about. Well, that is until Christmas day when I was about 24 years old. I opened a gift from my brother only to discover POCKETS!!! He had found my hiding place and wrapped him up to prove that Pockets would never be safe anywhere. I panicked!!! It was at this time that I decided that Pockets needed to move from my grandparents house and stay closer to me at all times, where he still is today.

My grandparents have since both passed away and I think my brother and uncle are past the point of wanting to torture Pockets, but I still keep him hidden away as my special little treasure.

Triple Threat

OMG - I received three new awards from wonderful blogger friends and didn't even prepare a speech!

I apologize if it has taken me awhile to post these, but I've been in the middle of a move (which will hopefully be wrapped up this weekend).

First, I got the Water Cooler Wonder Award from Jessica at Chronically Vintage. Check out her blog for great vintage finds and pictures!

The second award I received was the Golden Blog Award from Kathy at My Net Finds, a wonderful resource of deals, coupons, sales, give-a-ways and more!

The third award is the Honest Scrap Award from Ebony at Sizzling Publications. Ebony is one intelligent and funny lady!

Thank you so much ladies! Everyone - please be sure to check out their blogs. I have decided to wait to pass these awards along as I have limited time right now. But, a caveat for the Honest Scrap Award was to tell 10 true things about yourself, which I will go ahead and do.

Readers - please vote on one of these things and I will expound upon the story in my next post. Some of them may not be as juicy as they sound, but some may be juicier - so choose wisely! ;)

1. I worked at CBS headquarters for awhile and found myself stalking Dan Rather, but then I started to wonder if he was really the one stalking me...
   
   
2. When I was working at CBS it was for the soap opera, As The World Turns
   
   
3. When I was 15, I almost got arrested for prostitution
   
   
4. I had a pet goat when I was about 3 years old
   
   
5. I have a phobia of ketchup
   
   
6. I became BFF with Venus Williams at a party one night a few years ago
   
   
7. I partied for two nights in a row with Fab, the surviving member of Milli Vanilli before I even realized who he was
   
   
8. I once unintentionally ended up at a lesbian bar dressed as Marilyn Monroe
   
   
9. In the fifth grade, I punched the school bully in the face and made him cry
   
   
10. My most prized possession is what I think may be a plastic, purple squirrell head
    

Ok, dear readers, your choice - what do you want to hear more about? I can't wait to see what you choose!!!

Moving

Snippets of conversations this past week between HH and I as we have been in the process of moving to a new house:

"Do you think we really need two fondue pots?"

"I can't feel my arms."

"What does this switch do." (Update: apparently nothing)

"I see lots of fast food in our future for the next several weeks."

"Oh great! Our curtains are too short!"

"I'm not sure about this color." - after a couple hours of painting

"Why is it still 77 degrees in here when I set the air conditioning to 70?"

"These people apparently had no idea how to install a towel bar."

"I smell dog pee in here, and LOOK - a brand new Glade Plug-In they used to try to cover it up!"

"These people said they are 99.9% sure they are going to rent our old place." (Update: never heard from them again)

"Apparently covering up stenciled stars on the ceiling takes approximately 578 coats of paint!"

"Ok, so the clothes rods in the closet aren't actually high enough for pants or dresses. What the f*#!"

"NO - don't put that there!"

"Ummm...is our furniture even going to fit in here?"

"This flipping power washer doesn't work!!!!"

"Hey, look, at the sunset from our backporch!"

"Can you believe this place is ours?"

"Nope, it's everything we've ever dreamed of!"

"I love you"

"I love you too"

"Are we done yet?"

Five Tips Towards Glamorousness*

Many people ask me how I have become so Glamorous (well maybe one or two people). But, anyway, as an expert on the subject, I thought I would reveal some of my secrets to my beautiful readers. Since so many of us are short on cash in this bummer of a recession - all these tips are very wallet friendly. Enjoy!

1. The $12 Face Lift: No, really, it's true! If you have never had your eyebrows professionally done - drop everything right this very instant and get ye to a salon! The cost is between $12 - $15 and most salons have a variety of methods: wax, threading, plucking, etc. In minutes, you will look and feel like a new person. Everyone will notice a difference in your appearance, but they won't know why. After your first professional shaping, it's pretty easy to keep up the look on your own with a good pair of tweezers.
   


2. Stop Fearing the Eyelash Curler: I am always amazed at how many women tell me that they don't, or have never used an eyelash curler. Nothing opens up your eyes more than a quick clamp from this ingenious invention! On low key days, I don't even wear mascara, but I ALWAYS curl my eyelashes. And for special events - don't be afraid to try the faux lashes. There's a reason I look that good in my photos!
   


3. High Heels: I know what you are going to say - "But, I can't walk in high heels! They hurt my feet! Blah blah blah! Etc." I am 5'8" and definitely don't need heels, but I can't live without them. There is nothing sexier than high heels, so get over it people and start practicing your strut!
   


4. Choose Your Clothing Wisely: Know what fabrics, cuts and styles work best for your body and stick with it. There's nothing wrong with trying out new trends, but only stick with the ones that work for you. For instance, I always cringe when the babydoll dress is in fashion. There's nothing worse than a tall curvy girl in a baby doll dress! Side Note - HH and I just saw a commercial for Old Navy's "Slouchy" tshirts. Raise your hand if you want to look "slouchy." Ok, didn't think so. Great job Old Navy!
   


5. Lipstick: Always wear it! So many women think they look "weird" in lipstick. But, the secret is that you don't have to wear a heavy color. I love wearing red lipstick for special occasions, but on a daily basis I like to wear something with just a slight tint. Right now I'm all about Burt's Bees Lip Shimmer. It's their famous lip balm with a hint of color in 13 different shades. It feels great on your lips too!

Well, that's all for now my pretties! Feel free to send along your Glamour tips as well and I will post them here. Have a wonderful weekend!

*Disclaimer: These five tips do not guarantee Glamorousness as there are many more secrets to become a true Glamour Girl. But, reading this blog on a daily basis will get you pretty damn close!

Why?

Things that I just don't understand and/or completely piss me off:

1. Why do men always hang the toilet paper backwards on the holder?
   


2. Why do we always have to listen to the automated voice tell us how to leave a message everytime we call someone? Voice mail and/or answering machines have been around for at least 25 years. If you need instructions on leaving a message - you are obviously a complete moron!
   


3. Why do people always ask which button to push when you hand them your camera to take a picture? What do they expect you to say - "The smallest button on the side????" NO! It is ALWAYS "the big button on top!!!!"
   


4. Why is it when you call a company like cell phone, insurance, credit card, etc., the automatic voice mail always tells you to type in your account number so "they can better serve you while you wait." Then as soon as you reach a real person, the first question they ask is, "Can I have your account number please?" NO DAMMIT! I already typed it in along with my phone number, social security number, blood type and mother's maiden name!!!!! Stop wasting my time!!!
   


5. Why do grocery store cashiers always ask if you "found everything ok" when you check out? What are you suppose to say? "No, actually, I couldn't find the milk. Will you go fetch it for me while I stand here and piss off everyone behind me in line then perhaps write a check for my purchases?"
   

If anyone can answer these troubling questions, please reply. I have plenty of time to wait for your answers as I am on hold with the credit card company right now entering my shoe size and favorite lucky number!

and the Award Goes to...

I received this beautiful blog award from Land Girl on the Home Front the other day and am so flattered! Her blog, Letters from the Home Front is a full of lovely 1940's and vintage inspiration through pictures, fashion and history. Love it! Thank you Land Girl!

Now it's my turn to pass along the award. Don't feel bad if your name isn't included! I've only choosen those that have not yet received the award. Just right-click on the pic above and save it to your computer and then post it on your own blog and send the award along to blogs that you think are a good read!

1. Glamour Girl at Glamour Girl's New Life. A fellow Glamour Girl and my first blogger friend. Follow her as she goes through her divorce and starts a brand new life for herself. We're all rooting for you GG!
   
   
2. Eye Girl at Life as Eye See It. Blogger friend that I met at Thirty-Something Bloggers site. She gave me my first blog award, One Lovely Blog. Yeah! She and I really seem to see "eye to eye" on a lot of things in life. I know, cheesy joke...
   
   
3. Legally Blonde Mel at I Pick Pretty. Funny, sarcastic, intelligent AND stylish! What more is there to say?
   
   
4. Tudor City Girl - a single, unemployed girl in New York City. Cheer her on as she starts a romance with neighbor boy!
   
   
5. Kitschnkarma - blogger of all things kitsch and vintage. Love it!
   
   
6. Ebony Haywood at Sizzling Publications - my most recent friend at Thirty-Something Bloggers. Written and video blogging with an insightful look at everyday situations.
   
   
7. Fleur de Guerre at Diary of a Vintage Girl - Tips, tricks, photos and fashion from a 1940's enthusiast and real-life pinup girl.
   
   
8. Kathie at My Net Finds - blogging about all her great finds while surfing the internet - giveaways, contests, recipes, tips, etc. Another one of my first followers!
   
   
9. The Pretty Provvy at The (Anti) Socialite - Brand new blogger! the Pretty Provvy joins the notoriously pretensious Junior League and blogs about her adventures.
   
   
10. Simple Girl at Simply Love Life - Another Thirty-Something friend and like-minded girl.
    
    
11. Brilliant Farmgirl's Beauty Secrets - Great beauty secrets and product reviews!
    
    
12. An NYC Housewife in Training - Real life, funny posts by a wannabe domestic diva.
    
    
13. RetroModGirl - I have accidentally spent hours of time on this lovely blog with so many cool vintage pics, links, etc.
    
    
14. Zoe Rights - Not your typical "mommy-blogger." Funny and inspirational!
    
    
15. 2berrys at Starting My Live Over at 35 - For all of us thirty-somethings that are stuck in life's limbo; career? kids? Who knows!

Pole Dance Fever

Bad News: I am bruised, bleeding, have possibly cracked a few ribs, put my knee out of place and can't feel my arms nor raise them high enough to apply makeup today.

Good News: New-found respect for strippers. Ladies, next time your man excitedly volunteers to, I mean...is forced into going to the strip joint with his slobbery, horn-dog, immature friends, no need to be upset when he comes home minus a few hundred dollars. Those ladies DESERVE it!

Yeah for my first pole dance class last night and yeah for the pole dance studio that magically appeared in this conservative suburban town! Something new and fun to do with my girlfriends. I just need a little more practice ;)

My Big Fat Glamorous Wedding

In a couple of days, Hottie Husband and I will be celebrating our 3 month anniversary. We choose early April for our outdoor ceremony, knowing we would risk a rainy day, but wanted a bit cooler temperature. The day could not have been more perfect! Blue skies, light breeze and the perfect mix of family and friends.

HH and I did almost everything for our wedding on our own to save some money. Like I have said before, I'm not much into being "trendy" unless the current trend suits me well. It turns out that many of the things I did for my wedding turned out to be extremely trendy for this year.

Out: huge guest list that includes people you have never even met like your parents' work friends.

In: small, intimate gatherings of close friends and family. Everyone gets to interact with the bride and groom and you don't feel as if you are putting on a show for a bunch of strangers.

Out: matchy-matchy bridesmaids, including complete dictation of everything down to hair style, nail polish color etc.

In: don't most people look more beautiful and feel more comfortable in styles that flatters them? I told my bridesmaids to all wear a black dress of their choice. Each girl had a beautifully unique dress, but all in the same color to tie things together. I also bought each a light pink pashmina to wear.

Out: spending your life savings on flowers

In: DIY bouquets and alternative centerpieces (candles, branches, etc.). I used an arrangement of white ostrich feathers for my centerpieces. So hollywood glam! And I'll tell you a secret - all the flowers for mine and the bridesmaids bouquets were fake and arranged by me. Nobody even suspected it and it literally saved me a couple thousand dollars!

Out: leaving for your honeymoon right away

In: delayed honeymoon. I know - you just got through all this planning and anticipation and you feel like you need a vacation RIGHT AWAY! But, really, doesn't a vacation just make you more stressed and tired sometimes? Why not decompress for a few days at home (or nearby home) after the wedding. You won't feel guilty for staying in bed, ordering takeout and doing absolutely nothing if you are not in some exotic location. HH and I have booked a honeymoon this October in Italy. It gives us something else to look forward to and some time to save up money in between the wedding and honeymoon.

Out: little extras that suck up all your money

In: special touches that really matter to you. Seriously, have you ever been to a wedding and been pissed because you didn't get a program or a stupid bottle of bubbles with the bride and groom's name on it? Does it matter if the napkins are monogrammed? The little things add up and in the end, nobody will remember them anyway. Spend your money on the things that really matter to you and focus on the big picture.

Out: doing what everyone else does just because "That's what you're supposed to do!"

In: doing your own thing. Is your special day really going to be memorable if you do the same thing as everyone else? Think outside the box! Put your personality into it! Think of all the weddings that you've been to. In my mind, most of them just blend together in one big fluffy, fondant, wedding march, silly ritualistic mess. HH and I wrote our own vowels (didn't mean much to us to just say what everyone else says), I walked down the aisle to a beautiful, acoustic version of November Rain by Guns N' Roses and didn't do bouquet or garter tossing because it usually just embarasses the single people anyway.

Well, I hope you enjoyed my wedding trends and tips. If you would like to see some more pics of my big day, click here and see the blog for my fab photographer, Barbara Payne. She really makes me look better than I do in real life! ;)

What are some cool wedding trends you have seen that are unique and different?