Ok, so klutz story #2...
Flash forward several years post-college and I was a completely responsible, professional adult, right?
Well, nontheless, at least I wasn't going to screw up the best job I've ever had by drinking too much and doing something foolish. No, this time I did it totally sober!
I had to travel to a trade show in Dallas and I decided on my first night that I was not going to give in to the temptation to go out partying. Nope, I was going to stay in, watch a movie and rest up for my first big day at the show. And I did! That's when the trouble started. I woke up around 3:30 am having to pee. After I was finished, I flipped off the light. Big mistake!
You know that split second after you flip off the light that you can still see in the dark? Don't ask me what I was thinking, but I thought that in that millisecond of time, I could dash from the bathroom back to the bed while my path was still lit. Combine that flawed thinking with horrible night blindness and before I was halfway through my dash...BOOM! Next thing I knew I was laying on the floor on my back.
You know in cartoons how birds fly around your head after you've been hit? Yeah, it really happens. My first thought was that someone obviously popped out of the closet and hit me in the face with a baseball bat. But, I realized that I had actually just run nose-first into an outer corner of the wall. I finally came to my senses, crawled across the hall to the ice machine, and fell asleep with a rudimentary ice pack on my face made out of a washcloth.
When my alarm went off I slowly remembered what had happened and my head was aching worse than any hangover I ever had. I was petrified to look in the mirror to see the damage, but it wasn't as bad as I thought. Remember how Marsha Brady looked when she got hit in the face with a football? Yeah, that was me. My nose was huge, but at least no bruising.
I figured that since the people I was meeting with that day had never seen me before, then everything would be ok. They would just think I had a really big nose! No problem! I made it halfway through the day until one of the show exhibitors I was having a conversation with starting looking at me weird. "Ummm...I think you have some ink or something on your face." At first I was confused and then my hand flew up to my face realizing what was happening. The bruises were starting to show!
I rushed to the bathroom and confirmed bruises under each eye and on my chin. There wasn't enough makeup in the world to cover this up. The rest of the week I sucked it up, told my story and endured endless teasing.
Word had spread throughout the entire industry and at my next meeting with my Board of Directors they presented me with a catcher's helmet with face guard and autographed by all of them.
I was now a legend!