Jun 28, 2009

Red, White and BOOM!

I'm in shock! Last night I learned of a horrendous 4th of July ritual that has been going on in my town every year right under my nose without me even knowing it. How could I possibly live here for nine years and not know about this? you ask. Simple - I haven't procreated.

Yes, people, I found out from Hottie Husband (HH) last night that for women who have been able to accomplish the amazing feat of procreation, the yearly ritual is to dress up said offspring in ridiculous patriotic garb and proceed to stroll them around in a circle in front of others (dads taking pictures), and call said event a "parade!"

HH did not understand the look of complete bewilderment on my face as he tried to explain this "parade"' to me. "Well, what else are you going to do with your kid to entertain yourselves on 4th of July?" Poor HH...he has never had the experience of living anywhere besides the suburbs. I, on the other hand, lived in a pretty rural area as a child and last night's conversation reminded me of all the great memories I had celebrating the 4th with my family back then.

I hope you all will enjoy some of these tips for 4th of July fun!

  1. Explosives: we're not talking sissy "fireworks" here! There's nothing like some good, old-fashioned dynamite to get a party going. My crazy uncle would light dynamite at the end of our gravel driveway and then run like hell while all of us kids would plug our ears and cry, anticipating the noise that would shake the ground like an earthquake and create huge craters in our yard.

    Back before people got all hung up on child safety, explosives were fun for the whole family. My brother and I would keep all the leftovers from the 4th in a cigar box in his bedroom closet. By the time we were pre-teens, we had blown up all our childhood toys. This is a great way to entertain children and keep them out of your hair for hours at a time!

  2. Sprinklers: I'm not sure why I haven't seen a single child run through a lawn sprinkler the whole time I have lived in this stuffy town. My brother and I saved up for a year with all the money we earned stealing balls from golfers and then selling them right back. We knew exactly what we would do with that money! Once we bought our sprinkler, it provided entertainment the whole summer. Who needed a big old pool anyway?

  3. Lightning Bugs: What else can I say? If your kids haven't run around at night and collected lighning bugs; they haven't lived. Period!

  4. Spotlighting: Who can forget capping off the night by rounding up the kids in the car, grabbing a large spotlight and creeping along a country road, shining the light into the woods to spot deer? This was a GREAT activity! All the anticipation of wondering how many deer you would see that night! Would it be more or less than the night before? You never knew - that was the fun of it all!!!

With all of these ideas for family fun, one should never be bored enough to resort to celebrating holidays by pretending like procreation is an accomplishment. What is an accomplishment is being able to raise confident, well-rounded children who don't feel like they deserve the world on a silver platter just for being born. Oh - and it helps to throw a little bit of simple, old-fashioned fun into their childhood too! Thanks Mom and Dad!

Have a happy (and semi-safe) 4th everyone!



Anonymous said...

that parade sounds bizarre! hahaha

The Pretty Provy said...

ahh, lightning bugs...one of the best things about living up north!

Ebony Haywood said...

Wow. I've always wondered what it's like growing up in a rural area. Sounds like fun. Not sure about the lightning bugs...it's the city girl in me that has an aversion to all things insect.

Glamour Girl said...

I'm sooooo with you. You need to show him how it is done and lose the silly parade! I'm heading to the country myself to visit some old friends. They requested me bring bathing suits, beer and watermelon. Now if that doesn't say you are going to the country nothing does!

In Bug's Drawers said...

Completely agree with you! People are so unadventurous these days.