Jun 1, 2009

The Breakup with Reality

Dear Reality Television,

I think the time has come that I need to move on with my life. I never meant to lead you on - we really did have some good times throughout the years. Remember how it all started with The Real World on MTV? This is before people even knew who you were. The term "Reality Television" had not yet become mainstream.

Then we started flirting with danger. I was intrigued by the first season of Survivor. It was all so new and exciting! OMG - who will be voted off next week???!!! This led us even deeper into our relationship by introducing The Bachelor, The Amazing Race, Temptation Island and The Apprentice.

I feel you started deceiving me at this point, but I was blind to it. I couldn't get enough. American Idol, America's Next Top Model, Anna Nicole, Average Joe, Extreme Makeover, What Not to Wear, Joe Millionaire, My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance (yes, this really was a show), So You Think You Can Dance, etc.

You were suffocating me. I was putting too much time into this relationship and shutting out everything else I had previously enjoyed. I honestly BELIEVED YOU every single time you told me that this was going to be the most dramatic rose ceremony yet! You Bastard!

This is when I hit the low point. Watching anything to get my fix - Paradise Hotel, Rock of Love, The Osbornes, Flavor of Love. I had to get out. There was no way I could continue pretending that I felt the same way about you anymore. It dawned on me when I was watching The Biggest Loser while downing a whole tub of ice cream. We're over, it's done.

I don't care if Bret Michaels finds his one true love, or if Paris Hilton really gets a new BFF, or how old Scott Baio is and still single. Who really gives a shit if the Two Coreys still get along or if Heidi and Lauren can patch up their friendship. I don't want to see the Kardashians bicker anymore! Enough is enough!

At this point I don't think we can still be friends. Please don't contact me. I wish you well and hope you continue on your crusade of numbing minds all over America.


Glamour Girl


Laura said...

Ah, you think it is just that easy?? You can't walk away from Reality TV! I know. oh, how I know. I've walked away before.
I know he's wrong for me but when reality TV says he's sorry and wants to do better I just can't help but believe him.
He was so good once, and he can be again. He just needs my love and support.
I'll ignore Flavor of Love and ALL of that, because I know, deep down, he really is good TV.

Anonymous said...

Honey - whooooooa. Hold up. Don't you DARE give up on Bret Michaels like that. Granted he fucked up when he didn't choose Daisy (yes I watch that too)....

And Temptation Island (aka Trash Island) - one of my ALL time favorites.

Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance - when he fake farted doing yoga by the pool? SERIOUSLY...you are willing to turn your back on that memory forever?

I think you need to reconsider.